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Sunday, August 18, 2013

we are always learning and sometimes it hurts

sorry to be personal again. this blog is like my dairy..
I feel the energy at our cafe is shifting. We welcomed a couple of wonderful new staff and had to let go of a couple.
After being open for a while  I know some of the reasons why many small businesses fail. It is not easy, especially if you started merely because you are so passionate about it and wanted to follow you heart.
My business skill, hospitality skill and spirituality as a person, who is a business owner, friend, mother  and many other things still need fine tuning.
I know we never stop learning. But learning in this life can hurt you so much because it is so emotionally attached. Because learning this way means you have to look deeper into yourself. Lots of guilt, shame and unworthy feeling that you learn to hide from yourself and others can surface at that time. I have learned now to recognise that but I am still at the stage that I still have difficulty letting go of them now and then.

How good would it be just to receive without any attachment, expectations, guilt, and unworthiness. How good would it be just to ask for help and share my journey with others without all the above.

When someone offers to help me i still seem not be able to fully accept. It is challenging especially when the person is so dear to me. As a result I get hurt and they do too.

Hope I have learnt my lesson this time …

can you relate to this? if so is there anything that help you?

yoko xxx


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Hi Yoko,

    A friend of mine is visiting Singapore and told me about the great meals she has been eating at your place, and gave me the link to your blog. It all sounds so yummy, can I get a take away for Singapore?

    I was very happy to read your comments from the heart, and wanted to thank you for your honesty! It takes great courage to express your true feelings, just as it does to ask for help, to be a parent, to be a business owner, to be a human being on a spiritual path in a material world. Bravo, well done!

    Do I relate, yes, I do! And there are a few things that have helped me: gratitude, prayer, boundaries, love.

    When I realize that pain: physical; mental; emotional is an indicator that I need to change the behavior that is causing me pain, that it is there to guide me on my path, then I can be grateful for all of my thoughts and feelings because they are helping me to grow closer to my true nature.

    Praying for guidance for yourself, and those you have said goodbye to, is a very loving thing to do. Prayer, whether in the religious sense, or not, is simply a way of expressing positive intentions. It is an expression of respect for ourself, and the other party.

    Your business is just that, your business. You are at its core, and taking care of yourself is your responsibility, just as others are responsible for taking care of themselves. Our well intentioned kindness can actually be blocking another person from learning what they need to learn on their journey. Everything changes, so it is not letting go that causes suffering. Another name for this is boundaries.

    People talk a lot about unconditional love, but few, including myself, actually do love themselves unconditionally. I believe our main goal in this life is to love ourselves unconditionally, and others…in that order, because we cannot give what we do not have ourselves. When we do, even if it is for a moment, then we are at peace with ourselves and those around us, irregardless of how chaotic things may appear…we are truly happy*.

    Maybe, if you could substitute the word, "give" for the word, "receive" in your sentence, "How good would it be just to receive GIVE without any attachment, expectations, guilt, and unworthiness. How good would it be just to ask for help and share my journey with others without all the above." then it changes everything for you, and you are the only person you can change, make happy, etc. In my experience, when I give of myself, from the heart, without conditions and expectations for anyone to reciprocate in kind, or at all, then I am happy*.

    I wish you much success, and happiness, today and everyday.


    (* in this context, happiness is defined as contentment. Many people confuse pleasure and fun with happiness but they are very different. Both pleasure and fun require some outside stimuli: people, situations, chemicals, etc. and once that outside stimuli are gone so is the pleasure/fun. Happiness manifests from within us, and exists irregardless of circumstances, people, etc.)